So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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