There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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