I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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