Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
