Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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