I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
