let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
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