ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
