That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
