I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
