***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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