if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
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