Where did you get a picture of my penis
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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