Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
