honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
