I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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