I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
