I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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