ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
