can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
