I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
