where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
