My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
only you would photoshop your dick
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
