somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
