Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
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