I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
