I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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