I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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