Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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