Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
