What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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