i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
