I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
