dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
