Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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