I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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