Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
it was like eating out sand paper
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
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