hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
