We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Randomize
