Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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