WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
