my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
