he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
