I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
there is glitter all over my balls
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