Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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