I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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