shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
