I'm pants shitting drunk right now
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
