Pants 0. Shit 1.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
