so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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