JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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